life, lately.

man. to say I'm due to give an update is an understatement. life has been quite a roller-coaster lately... I was waiting to blog about everything until things were resolved [I didn't want to throw myself a blog pity party] and I feel like we're at a great place and I'm ready to share.

so earlier in the summer (june-ish) DJ and I were on cloud nine, life was amazing - we had a sweet baby girl, great jobs and we were so close to being done with "basement living" - we found an apartment, had a date to move-in and I was SO freaking excited to not have to deal with the commute when I went back to work.

then on the last friday of June, DJ came downstairs after I was finishing up feeding Penny and sat on the ottoman and shared that he had lost his job - the company he worked for was out of the UK and they just called him and told him they were shutting down the entire US division.

shocked? yeah. I was too.

I had no words.

no severance, no notice. no clue if he was going to get his bonus that he had been working towards all quarter. keep in mind I had just gone back to work from maternity leave the day before and we had just got my paycheck for the past month which I basically didn't get paid ($32.00, holler).

did I mention I was in shock?

I was in shock.

My mind was spinning, even now two months later, I can distinctly remember that feeling sitting in the basement with my six week old daughter in my arms... I wanted to shut down. I came close to shutting down... but I had to give myself perspective... first, I was so thankful that we kept our insurance through my job and we didn't even have to think twice about that - especially for Penny. I was so thankful I decided to go back to work early (6 weeks maternity leave, 6 weeks working from home rather than the 8 weeks maternity leave, 4 weeks working from home we thought I was going to take - we literally made that decision 48 hours earlier). so thankful we were still in the basement and hadn't signed a lease. but most importantly, I was so thankful that I had DJ as partner - I (surprisingly) didn't breakdown but, honestly, I was optimistic.

I think my "serenity" had to do with two things - one, Penelope - how could I be distraught when we have this perfect, sweet, healthy creation who brought and brings so much joy into our lives? I couldn't. I realized that even though DJ had lost his job - we still had so much more than so many others and we were still incredibly lucky.

secondly, I was calm because I knew that even thought the timing was shit-tastic and I hate the instability it caused I had and have so much faith in DJ. Seriously, he is one of the smartest, most talented people I've ever encountered. I knew that something amazing was going to come his way and that any company that he got in front of would realize his worth and want him on board.

well, I'm not going to blow smoke and say that the last eight weeks were rainbows and sunshine - they were challenging, trying and at times exhausting and disheartening. but you know what? we got through it. DJ got to finish up his consulting work and side projects that had been looming over the past few months AND he got to do something that not many dads are lucky enough to do - he got to spend every day at home with his daughter for the the first fifteen weeks of her life. Granted, he was working either for his former company or consulting during that time but he still got that quality time that few get the chance to experience.

AND luckily- I was right to be optimistic... I'm happy to report that DJ is starting his new [and in my opinion improved] job on Tuesday and we're moving on Saturday. my job, as always was so supportive - they let me continue to telecommute for two days a week while I was commuting to make life easier/less hellish. I only have TWO days left next week of my 44 mile commute (my new commute to work will be less than 5 miles, can I get a hell yeah?)... and basement living? this time next week we'll be spending our last night as inhabitants of our lovely basement apartment in the 'burbs. I'm so excited to create our first little intown home as a party of four (ollie counts, duh).

so the cliffnotes version of this novella of a post: life doesn't always work out the way you think it will, or even originally how you want it to - but have a little patience and a faith in life and those you love and take deep breaths...

life is good. especially when you have a beautiful baby, snuggly pup and amazing love to share it with.

here's to moving forward and all the amazing things I know are coming are way...

penny: three months old!

just when you thought she couldn't get any cuter... 

I added some ruffly bloomers and BAM.

cuteness overload.

oh my sweet, sweet pea - you are three months old and the sweetest little girl that has ever lived. your giggles and smiles warm my heart in a way nothing ever has. you love to kick your legs and clap your feet (especially when I sing our song while you do it -- video of this coming soon). you still haven't rolled over or found your feet, you're content just hanging out. you've gotten so much better at sitting up and your neck control is definitely stronger. you went on your first roadtrip this month and first trip to the beach. you still love your milkies and can out-eat the best of them! you weigh somewhere around 12lbs and you are still long as ever, you've pretty much outgrown everything 0-3 months in length and are definitely [heightwise] filling out your 3-6 month clothes. you are also turning into a little drool monster - between you and your furry brother oliver, we have quite the drooly family! speaking of oliver, you're becoming more aware of him - not quite interested, definitely not afraid. he gets all in your face and licks your ears and you squeal but don't really upset, just confused. you still are sleeping like a champ, just giving us a little more of a problem with naps. you still love your baths and you're overall just the sweetest little thing ever. words can't describe how much your daddy and I love you. you and I are starting to settle into our new routine (just in time for it to change again - but more on that later). you are so wiggly when I wake you up in the morning but then are so smily after your changed and full.

I love my sweet little rose - thanks for being so amazing, your daddy and I love you more than words could ever describe. 88 little princess.

oh yes.

yup.

this just happened.

definitely just bought these ridiculously cute [and oversized] sunglasses for Penelope from Zulily 

[along with some other adorable things that I can't wait to dress her up in].

DJ is going to HATE them... but guess what?

TOO LATE.

hah.

can't wait to put them on her ridiculously cute face...

 what's that? 

you miss seeing it? 

okay. here are some pictures to hold you over until I'm not swamped and can actually really blog and fill you in on all the amazing and craptastic things that have been going on... AND I promise to continue one with the "love story" asap... aka next week (fingers crossed)... 

on to the cuteness....

gah.

don't you just want to squeeze her little cheeks?!

phew.

phew. 

that wasn't so bad. 

first, thank you all so much for your sweet comments, texts, emails, tweets - everything. they really made yesterday so much more bearable... and to be honest. all in all, it wasn't so bad.

I got up at the crack of dawn [5:15am] - got showered, dressed, packed up all my stuff, got ready to go and then woke up sweet penny girl and changed her, fed her and handed her over to Danny and I was out the door at 6:30am, got to the office at 7:30 and got reacclimated with my office - a few other folks were using my office while I was out on leave so I setup my computer and got things set up "as I like them."  when I opened up my desk drawer I saw an envelope with my name on it and opened it up... this is what I found... 

man. this was exactly what I needed. I was wondering about this scholarship/student all summer and could not have been happier for this student, she truly is so deserving and it was a great way to start my first day back.

overall, the day went really smoothly.. I truly am lucky because I work in such a supportive environment, also, I was ridiculously busy yesterday which really did help. I purposefully filled my last two hours in the office with student meetings so they would go by faster - it helped, the day flew by. I think it also helped that I had been working from home the past six weeks, I knew what I had to get done and that transition of "working" again had already happened... it was just distraction free... I also got my dual screens back... oh I love me some dual screens...

[pictures of your adorable as new desktop images also help...]

DJ was also great, we skyped during my lunch hour and he sent me adorable pictures of my babies like this one...

[caption of this photo/text: Ollie is watching his sister practice flashing people while daddy yells at both of them -- haha, special]

I also am starting to figure out my new routine... which includes plenty of time with this new friend...

If you plan on going back to work/pumping I definitely recommend getting a handsfree support/bra/thing -- it makes pumping so much "doable" when you can get other things done at the same time [what can I say, I'm a multi-tasker.  

with that, I wrapped up my day at 4:30 meeting all of my goals for the day...

[don't cry at work, no breakdowns, leave by 4:30, get to work by 7:30]

got home at 5:30, woke my sweet pea up from her nap to feed her, had dinner with fam, went to go get fro-yo to celebrate surviving my first day back and then fed Penny her bottle at 8:30pm [an hour past her bedtime, selfish I know, sorry moms on call!]

why, yes that is my three month old baby holding her own bottle... baby genius, I know.

then I crashed and went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5:15am to do it all again. 

wow. 

welcome to my new life...

I'm going to reflect on this some and write a post about some helpful tips on this whole process... but I figure I should have more than 24 hours experience before writing that, hah.

do you have any helpful "going back to work" tips that I should share with others new moms?

the sun also rises....

man. after last nights heart heavy post, here's something light and fluffy -- or better yet, bright and beautiful...

one of our last mornings in wilmington we treked down to the beach to wrightsville beach watch the sunrise. I'm so thankful we did this.  I wasn't mentally prepared to take on the task of heading to the beach with a baby [battling the crowds and being out on the beach all day/in the heat did not sound like fun with penny in tow at this age].

but at the same time [selfishly] I didn't want to go all the way to Wilmington without spending some time on Wrightsville Beach [aka heaven]... so early morning trip to the beach it was! here are some of my favorite photographs that I took that morning - hopefully they bring some sunshine into your monday morning - God knows I need it today...

"...there was never a night or problem that could defeat sunrise or hope..." - b. williams

send a little hope and some warm fuzzies my way today.
xo,

hita

back to the grind.

yup. tomorrow is the day that has been looming in the back of my head for the past twelve weeks week - I go back to the office tomorrow. oh man. [deep breath] I'll be honest, I'm extremely conflicted. on one hand, I truly do enjoy what I do [most days] and the people I work with - and I'm excited about going back to work.

on the other hand, I feel a bit guilty about that - shouldn't I be completely dreading this?   BUT that's the thing, while I'm not dreading it I am getting a little pang of hurt in my heart that I'm leaving my sweet pea... the fact that we still haven't moved closer to work for unforeseen circumstances [to be shared at a later date] makes this even more difficult... I have to get in the car and drive over an hour to work, work eight hours and drive over an hour home. I'm going to get home in time to eat dinner/spend around an hour with Penny before she goes to bed.... and the days I have to work late? I won't see her other than when I feed her before I leave for work.

shit. 

...and now, I'm crying.

I guess my heart isn't quite as cold and frigid as we all thought it was.

I know this will get easier when we move closer to the city and I'm not spending three hours in the car alone and when she's in school/daycare near my work and I can pop in and see her... but I'm already emotionally and physically exhausted thinking of the next few weeks. I feel like I'm just going to miss her so much -- it makes it worse [selfishly] that I'm the only thing that's changing and being removed from the situation... I'm the only one leaving her behind. she'll be home with DJ and his mom and they get to see her giggle all day long, kiss her sweet chubby cheeks, feed her bottles and just be in her presence.

ugh. 

then I remind myself, we have bills to pay -- and, money aside, I worked pretty damn hard for that masters degree that I get to use day in and day out. I don't just have a job, I have a career and a passion. This might be something that I'm able to walk away from one day and hang up on a shelf and say - well we had a good run. But that day is not today, that year is not this year. I get to make a difference in my job and I thrive on that. I just hope that by working to make a difference in lives of the students I work with I don't miss out on the opportunity to make a difference in the one life that I truly want to mold and impact - Penelope's.

so I hear I sit. I crumbled mess of emotions not quite sure how to feel or what I feel.... AND in other news, DJ [who is oblivous to the fact that I'm crying - gotta love observant men] just put on Call Me, Maybe? and is jamming out -- yup. cloud lifted. smile on my face.

gotta love that man.

emotional rant over.

I'm going to go hug on my music snob husband who loves himself some Carly Rae Jepsen, that's my special boy...

back from the beach!

well, hello there. remember that time I feel off the blogging wagon? we headed to the beach for a few days and then when we got back I was trying to balance between getting a shitdone of work done and soaking up my last few days at home with Penny. oy. so - blogging clearly didn't fit in that equation for me, oops.

vacation recap? here goes: it was great! what? you want more details? okay.

we headed to one of my favorite places in the entire world - wilmington, nc [where I lived for four years before DJ stole me away to the berkshires] to visit our sweet friends and to just get out of dodge -- oh and to eat, yes, we go on vacation to eat [and eat we did, YUM]. it was a much needed getaway for us to just decompress for awhile and for Penny to meet some of our favorite people! I'm hoping we can get back their soon [hopefully for a little longer, when we can both truly "take off" work rather than bring our work with us].

also, penny is continuing to be the easiest baby ever [I don't want to jinx myself] -- she slept pretty much the whole ride to and from wilmington and slept through the night every night we were there AND didn't seem to even be effected by the fact that her schedule pretty much got thrown out of the window when we were there -- phew. we are two very lucky people! of course, she had fussy moments here and there but let's be real - she's a three month old baby, what do you expect?! again and again, I just have to say we are so freaking lucky!

now to the part you've been waiting for... pictures from our trip!

so that's that...

we had such a great time and feel so blessed and lucky to have such amazing friends in our lives! 

now off to plan the next vacation...

penny: two months old!

well our sweet girl, another month has passed - as evidenced by these pictures taken a few days past your "two month birthday" you're growing like a weed. this month has been an eventful one - you outgrew all your newborn clothes and are only in 0-3 month clothes, you even have outgrown some of those in length! at 2 months you weighed 10.5 lbs and were in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height! you still love eating [drinking?] your milkies... I swear, you get more excited when you see mommy without her shirt on than daddy does! 

some amazing things happened this month - two of our favorites, you started sleeping through the night [at six weeks!?!] AND you started really smiling at us. making you smile is one of our favorite things to do and we'll do just about anything to bring it on including talk to you, sing, dance - anything! you LOVE it when people talk to you and I swear you're trying to talk back. you have the cutest little voice - just like the rest of you.

your eyes are getting darker but they're still blue, you love bathtime every night, and you really are our sunshine! we love you penelope rose!

[getting better at these -- this one is only three weeks late instead of seven... maybe P's three month post will actually be on time, fingers crossed!]  

penny: one month old!

well. I figure better late than never - here is our Sweet Pea at one month old...

crazy to think how much bigger she already is at the time that I'm posting this... aka seven weeks later, oops. our sweet pea had a great first month - she was [and still is] super healthy, was growing like a weed and was just as snuggly as can be.

she was [and still is] happiest when someone was [is] holding her, this month we started out on a great sleep schedule and she was sleeping good four hour stretches at night and was just as perfect as ever.

Penny very quickly became the light of her daddy and my eyes and to say we were [and are] smitten is an understatement. She's our Sweet Pea, our Penelope Rose, our Pen, Pen-Pen and due to her hearty appetite this month she earned the title of milk-monster.

so that's that - more on Penelope's next month coming soon - considering it's already happened - oops!