Tuesday, July 24, 2012

me & my fan.

I had a moment the other day... 
...with a fan.

no. not this kind of fan...
...though I am a belieber.

this kind of fan...

see. I had just worked out [aka huffed and puffed for a mile on the treadmill and then started feeling sorry for myself for how out of shape I was] and came downstairs to take a shower. I gave Penny to DJ and they headed upstairs to have some coffee [just DJ, don't worry, hah]. so I decided to take advantage of a little "me time" and I laid on the floor in Penny's nursery to do some crunches.

I laid down.
and just started watching the fan.
I kinda got lost in it.
I don't know what it was about watching the lights and blades that put me in a daze of sorts.
so there I am,
laying on the floor of my daughters bedroom [crib-room?]... 

I think I was emotional because I was reading about the shooting in Aurora [or maybe I'm just emotional, hah - yeah that's probably it]. I started crying at first because I was just sad that we live in a world that something like that can be a reality... then honestly, I started having a pity party - there are a few things that aren't quite going as planned/our way currently...blech. not fun.

then. I kinda snapped out if and was crying out of disbelief for lack of a better word -- I had a get over yourself moment and was crying because for all the things that aren't going right - there are so many more important things that ARE going right and I'm pretty freaking lucky... I get to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate [as freaking annoying as he is sometimes, I love him and I'll keep him] and then I can't even get started on Penelope. She's this perfect little ball of joy -- I get lost just looking at her. the love and bond that I feel for her transcends anything I have ever felt [met only by the love I feel for her daddy]. DJ and I created her -- she is us. that still just gets me at the core.  I could write for pages on the love I feel for our sweet p but I'll just say this - I realize how lucky I am that we have a healthy baby, a sweet, happy, giggly beautiful little girl and she makes my heart melt. we have a roof over our heads [granted, still in the basement - but hey, it could be so much worse], we have health insurance, we have love, we have a sweet smelly bulldog [who needs a bath], we do not go hungry, we have nice things.  

I'll be honest, sometimes I get so lost in what isn't right or what we don't have that I just need moments like this to snap me out of it and just come back to earth and realize that yes, while my life isn't perfect it still is pretty fucking great. 

almost always [seriously ALWAYS] when DJ and I fight he brings up the "p" word... perspective.  it's like the DJ version of the following hashtag/twitter phrase #firstworldproblems in my face [it's so annoying, especially because he's usually right, ugh - hate it]. I suppose this time, I gave myself a little perspective and it was just what I needed.

...and then Oliver came and drooled on my face and I snapped out of it and did some crunches... and by some crunches I did 25 and was over it and took a shower.
nothing like bulldog drool to bring you back to reality.

so yeah.
what a rollercoaster.
high highs, low lows.
I just plan to keep on keepin' on and enjoy the ride.
have you had a good cry lately?


dave and jenn said...

Almost had a good cry this morning when my mom left. And I remember the cries I had when Jade was Penny's age too. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed with love/emotion with these sweet girls. And I agree with you - it's a love that different from anything experienced before.

Noe said...

I hear you 101%. the other day I was overhearing the news while doing some chores at home, they were mentioning an event happened 2 years ago. Suddenly I bursted into tears... thinking of how great things were then... thinking of how happy I was and at the time didn't realize it.
So I hear you my friend... sometimes we take life for granted..

Katie & Ryan said...

My good cries always happen in the shower. I've definitely had a handful in the last couple of weeks! But sometimes a good cry just helps you get out all of those emotions that are hard to process or that you keep bottled up...I always feel better afterwards!

Smart Ass Sara said...

I cried when Olivia reminded me she is going to be 7 in September and that Jackson starts 4K.

It was a low moment in the grocery store.

Sarah said...

We ALL have those moments! I feel like I am having more these days...but I am still blaming it on the pregnancy...HA! :)

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear that everyone has those moments when they just lose it. Everyone's lives seem to perfect in blog-land that its hard when you compare it to your own. I try to remember to have perspective too, but its hard. Just a part of growing up I guess. Just wanted to mention that I started following your blog the day you announced you were pregnant. I loved your updates and when you gave birth, I really felt like my friend just had a baby! I can't decide whether my hubby and I are ready for parenthood, but sweet P's pics make it easier!

____j said...

I have moments like this more often than I'd like to admit. I keep telling myself that my hormones are still out of whack & that I'm not actually an emotional wreck.

LWLH said...

Perspective is a tough pill sometimes, but it is very much needed.

I have some of those good cries, here and there.

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